The chocolate season

Well, once again the Easter festivities are happening “automatically” from my vantage point.  Lea did the eggs with the boys tonight; Lea’s baking pies for dinners tomorrow; and Lea’s in charge of the boys’ Easter baskets.  Bless her.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she’s also lamenting, for Easter marks the end of the chocolate season.  Said season starts on Halloween, and includes several chocolate-centric holidays along the way.  Lea speaks of chocolate almost reverently.  A woman I worked with once proclaimed it “better than sex.”

You know, I can remember both the best chocolate I ever had and the worst sex I ever had, and it’s not even close.

I like chocolate.  Sometimes I even like chocolate a lot.  But I’ve always considered it just another click on the grand wheel of sweets.  Clearly, something about it speaks to some people in a way that it doesn’t speak to me.

I am, however, funny about it.  I’m good with liquid chocolate, but it must be milk-based.  Water-based hot chocolate is satanic, and the chocolate sodas are definitely wrong.  Other acceptable forms are straight chocolate candy, of the reasonably-stable-but-with-poor heat-resistance variety; and baked goods, like brownies and cakes.

Almost chocolates are the worst.  I think Tootsie Rolls are supposed to be chocolate, but the texture is all wrong.  Consequently a Tootsie Roll tastes like a Tootsie Roll to me, not chocolate.  I throw “chocolate” Dum-Dums lollipops away.  Hard candy and chocolate should not intersect.  And “chocolatey” on anything is a massive red flag.

Whatever your feelings, I hope you are sufficiently chocolated for the end of the season tomorrow.

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