I fired a friend today. (I don’t throw the word “friend” around casually; this was someone I was close to.)
That I can recall, I’ve not done that before as an adult. This was brought about mainly by my severe and sustained disapproval of how she (didn’t) handle personal adversity. It was aggravated by the rage, then sulkiness, that she displayed when I called her on it.
I’ve considered all evening what it means to me in a larger sense, and though I’m not happy about how it’s turned out, I think I’m at peace. I did my best to provide her avenues of recovery, all of which were ultimately rejected. She sees nothing revealing in the fact that she is the constant in many failing relationships and situations, and I don’t believe her to be damaged to the point that she isn’t responsible for her actions.
And I think that’s the heart of it for me. Mental illness is one thing; a sane person who chooses misery born of self-indulgence is quite another. If you choose not to keep your own ass wiped, then you can’t be close to me–period. Life is hard enough already to be borrowing frustration, and I don’t care to make a significant emotional investment in you only to watch you hang yourself.
I’m really sad that I’ve lost my friend, but I’m coming to realize that she’s been gone longer than I ever wanted to admit. A bitter and nasty little girl has been inhabiting her body for quite some time.
I hope, for her kids’ sakes especially, that she finds the strength to evict her someday.
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Ooof, but this resonates for me. I am very often the last person in a relationship to see that it’s been gone for a while, and I alway kick myself for that.
I’m sorry, honey, but it seems you made the right choice. There’s only so much you can do on SOMEONE ELSE’S journey, after all.
I’ve been in a similar situation and it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. You did the right thing.
Mrs. Chili, azn8tive: Thanks. It definitely wasn’t pleasant, but it was necessary. Of that I am sure.
Several years ago, I too “fired” my best friend. We’d been best buddies since high school. We’d shared alot: marriage, birth, divorce, dating again, etc. Fortunately, I was able to move on, find a wonderful husband, re-marry and realize a beautiful life. And believe me, life had sucked alot over the years starting with the death of my mother when I was 11 yrs old. Unfortunately, she continued to wallow in self pity, let her son “run wild” and run roughshod over her, let her sorry ex-hubby degrade and humiliate her and felt guilty when he did. She was miserable because she wanted to be. She just started to be such a drain and it was starting to affect my marriage, my general attitude, etc. I finally just cut her off. It hurt like hell. I still miss her. But, it was for the best at the time and it has turned out to be the best in the long run, but I’ve yet to find another “real” friend like her. We shared so much over the years. We could talk on the phone for hours or in person, went to chick flicks, drank margaritas, ….. I love my hubby and he really is my best friend, but I sure wish I had a “girl” friend again. Chicks need chicks
Sorry – didn’t mean to run on like that…