Wednesday is garbage night in our neighborhood.  One of our two cans is outside.  When I absently reached for it tonight, I put my hand through a tangly spider web, and pulled it back quickly:

Is that…?  Yup, looks like it could be.  Better investigate further.  Hmmm.  Don’t see anything on the outside of the can.  Perhaps under the lid?  Oh, my goodness.  Hello, my lovely:

Yes, folks, it’s one of the baddest girls in all of arachnia:  the black widow.  This one is young, and has reached adult size, but has not lost all of her juvenile coloration.  See the broken red stripe?  That’s actually on the dorsal side of her body, believe it or not.  Black widows don’t develop the familiar ventral red hourglass on an otherwise shiny black body (as exclusive coloration) until full adulthood.  Until then, she can be quite gaily colored, actually:  swirls and spots of blue, red, and even yellow.  (She can still hurt you even then, so be careful.)

Captured:

Her ventral hourglass is a textbook example.  Not all of them have it, though most do.  If you see a nearly spherical body and those long front legs, you’ve got a widow whether she has an hourglass or not, so behave accordingly.

If she settles down and spins a web toward the bottom of this tennis ball can, I may keep her in the garage for a while.  If she stays poised near the top like this, I’ll release her.  I’m not attempting to feed and water an eternally-lookin’-like-she’s-’bout-to-pounce venomous animal.

Dig:  a black widow bite is a medical emergency.  Do not try to tough it out.  If you think you have been bitten by a black widow, go to the hospital.  This is particularly important for young children, senior citizens, and anyone who is already ill.  Though not likely to threaten the life of a healthy person, the neurotoxic venom produces extremely painful involuntary muscle contractions.  At the ER, you can get powerful muscle relaxants, as well as narcotics for pain.

Black widows are common throughout nearly all of the United States, and they like woodpiles and out-of-the-way corners (like garbage can lids!).  They spin tangly, haphazard webs.  They’re not aggressive, but will bite if they feel threatened.  Don’t reach into such places without thorough investigation.

 

Fuel economy is on lots of folks’ minds these days.  Gasoline at or near $4 hurts in the pocketbook, and of course there is the larger problem of unchecked fossil fuel consumption’s negative effects on the environment.

Thus, in the spirit of community-mindedness that permeates everything I do at BoWilliams.com, here are a few tips to help ease the burdens on your wallet and the planet:

  1. Carpool.  Chances are good that a coworker lives close by.
  2. Make sure your tires are properly inflated.
  3. Never use your air conditioner, and drive with the windows up to decrease drag.
  4. Leave your parking brake set.  Not only does this save fuel by limiting your speed, but your car will be in for brakes much more often.  Of course, your car isn’t contributing to the problem when it’s in the shop.
  5. Push your car home in the evening.  Alternately, push it to work in the morning, if you have a shower available at your workplace.
  6. Remove unnecessary items that contribute nothing to the operation of the vehicle, such as trash, work files, the things you’ve been meaning to take to goodwill, the back seat, the carpeting, the headliner, the stereo, the air conditioner, and the bumper covers.
  7. In this same weight-robs-economy vein, always ensure that your bowels are absolutely empty before using your car.  Take laxatives if necessary.
  8. On the interstate, tie the front end of your car to the rear end of another car and shut your engine off.
  9. On your next business trip, instead of driving, consider having yourself shipped in a crate.  (If you are also implementing suggestion #7, a little logistical planning is highly recommended.)
  10. Cultivate a drinking problem.  If you are intoxicated most of the time, you will drive tentatively, and thus more slowly.

Isn’t it funny how often the simplest solutions elude us?  But as you can see, it just takes a little discipline.  Happy motoring!

 

It’s raining. It’s raining a lot.

It started sometime after midnight Sunday morning, and apart from a couple of hours that afternoon, it hasn’t stopped. At my house we crossed the four-inch mark for this event shortly after I woke up this morning, and it’s supposed to keep going for most of today too.

This won’t end the drought, but I bet we at least shed a category.

Mind, it’s mostly just an inconvenience. Around here we measure distance above sea level in hundreds of feet instead of single digits, so there is no widespread flooding. And if the forecast holds (tomorrow and Thursday are supposed to be nice), Nathan might even practice soccer this week. We’ll see.

It usually takes sustained cold and grayness to put me in a weather-related funk, and I’m not there now, but I’m definitely ready to see the sun again.

 

Yeah, I guess I’ll monitor it.  It’s supposed to be on in half an hour or so.

She might take her clothes off.  You don’t know.

 

Dolores Aguilar died on August 7, 2008.  She was a mother, a grandmother, and a great-grandmother.

She was also, apparently, a miserable and detestable human being.  This is her actual obituary that ran in the Vallejo Times-Herald on August 16 and 17 (verified at snopes.com):

Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.

She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

Unorthodox?  Definitely.  Shocking?  Perhaps.  Refreshing?  Oh, hell yes.

I’ve seen, in my own family and in others, occurrence after occurrence of abominable behavior that is held to a considerably looser moral and/or ethical standard because someone, either the wailing accused or a good-for-nothing apologist for same, whiningly trots out “but we’re family!”

Well, horseshit.  A nasty old bitch is a nasty old bitch, whether she’s family or not, and whether she’s alive or not.  God bless honesty.

(I’ll point out here that I’m not talking about problems between spouses, or problems between parents and dependent children.  There are complexities in those relationships far beyond what I’m getting at.)

Mind, contrition begets forgiveness, and in the genuine presence of the former, I believe we are obliged to produce the latter.  If anything, it’s more important than not getting over the line in the first place.  Everyone screws up, after all, and reasonable people make recovery from a screw-up available.  But sustained and remorseless mistreatment of another is a different animal, and should be condemned no matter who is perpetrating it.

Whatever problems I’ve had in this vein have generally been minor, particularly compared to someone like my friend Mrs. Chili, who has had to jettison her biological mother from her life.  Moreover, I’m not where I want to be yet emotionally, though I’ve made substantial progress, thanks in no small part to an intelligent, empathic, and self-assured wife.  Lea is the best sounding board a fellow could ask for.

Specifically I’ve realized that sustained anger only robs me of energy, and that I don’t have to walk around pissed off to avoid putting myself in a position to be mistreated.  There are avenues down which I cannot travel with some people, whether they be conversational, emotional, spiritual, or whatever, and I have a baseline sadness about that.  But they are sacrifices made for a greater good.

(Notice I said “people” and not “family members” in the middle sentence above?   Think that was intentional?)

Blood is not necessarily thicker than water.  Blood is as thick as you make it, and the rules and conventions of polite society are not (or should not be) suspended because you happen to share it with someone.  Got a family member giving you the misery?  Imagine his/her behavior from a non-relative.  Is it acceptable?

If not, then it isn’t from your family member either.

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