2008 May | BoWilliams.com

I demand more snack cake control laws immediately

Current Events, Language, Menagerie 4 Responses »

May 272008

Spied in the sidebar at Overheard in Minneapolis (which you should read, because it’s funny):

A homeless man was arrested on a battery charge in Galesburg, IL for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a box of Moon Pies.

I ask you: is there a funnier thing with which to bludgeon your fellow man than a box of Moon Pies? How about:

A homeless man was arrested on a battery charge in Galesburg, IL for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a three-foot salami.

Hmmm. This is badly written, though, isn’t it? Who has the three-foot salami? Can’t you read the victim as “an 84-year-old man with a three-foot salami”? Perhaps this is a case of three-foot salami envy, and the 84-year-old man is being attacked for his three-foot salami. Actually the original suffers from the same problem. Gotta love those misplaced modifiers. Writing leads is hard.

I bet it would be a lot easier to hurt someone with a three-foot salami than it would be to hurt someone with a box of Moon Pies. Well, unless it was a box of, like, 5,000 Moon Pies. I don’t know, though. What if the three-foot salami has a diameter of ten feet?

I lit my lamp and went searching for a few questions…

Questionnaires 1 Response »

May 252008

What do you most hate about modern life ?
Hyperconnectivity, I think. Manners have taken a big hit because of it. Also, I have a vague concern that it will be expected of the technical workforce at large before I retire.

What kind of people annoy you ?
The willfully ignorant. Stupidity isn’t your fault, but ignorance is. If you can’t learn, that’s fine. If you won’t, then it’s quite difficult for me to find any motivation to help you.

What drives you nuts ?
The creaking and squeaking of a slightly stressed styrofoam cooler in a moving vehicle.

What do you watch on TV ?
DVD movies, documentaries and concerts (preferably in HD), and sports. I like IndyCar racing. During the college football season, I spend 12-14% of my waking hours watching it. I quit serial television when Six Feet Under ended.

Films watched many times ?
There are many. Off the top of my head, I’d say the original Star Wars trilogy, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Blade Runner, Die Hard, Apocalypse Now, Alien, Aliens, Pulp Fiction, This Is Spinal Tap, and Animal House.

What sport do you follow/teams do you support ?
In college football, I’m a fan of the Alabama Crimson Tide. In IndyCar racing, I’m a Danica Patrick fan.

Why?
I’m an Alabama fan because that’s what my parents poured in my ear. I became a Danica Patrick fan largely for the novelty. My fanhood remained and strengthened because of her skill and attitude (primarily her insistence on demonstrating that femininity and athletic excellence are not mutually exclusive).

Sport on TV ?
See a few questions earlier.

What might surprise people to know about you ?
I think sometimes people are surprised that I’m as fond of being by myself/just with my family as I am. I enjoy seeing my friends, am social at work, and the like, but when I’m home, I enjoy the disconnection.

What trait do you most dislike ?
Willful ignorance. Runner-up is probably unacknowledged arrogance. I’m fine with you being a self-important prick, as long as you’ll say out loud that you are.

Believer or non ?
I believe in God.

In which case, does anything irritate you about other believers ?
“Judge not…” and all that, but it’s a long list. Two things at or near the top of it are the way too many “believers” think of and treat gay people, and the treatment of the Bible as an inerrant document of scientific rigor.

What would you rather people today did not do, other than obvious wickedness ?
Think of the government first when they perceive a need in their lives.

You are God. What sins do you find hardest to forgive ?
God forgives anything confessed with a truly repentant heart. I think the more interesting question is “what do I (Bo) find hardest to forgive?” Crimes against children and women.

What skills would you love to have ?
I’d love to be a chess grandmaster. Someday I’m going to successfully ride the unicycle hanging in my garage. I wish I understood fiction writing better.

What bores you ?
I haven’t been truly bored in decades.

One word to describe yourself ?
Individual.

What are you most looking forward to ?
The next minute. The journey is the destination.

Distracted, diluted, and delighted

Memories, Popular Culture 2 Responses »

May 242008

Well, this didn’t go like I thought it would.

I was working on my first “official” wristwatch post—the first of a series, coming Real Soon Now—and I got “Europa and the Pirate Twins” by Thomas Dolby stuck in my head. So it was off to YouTube to have a look at the video. Wow, I still love that song. So then I followed links to this ’80s video and that, and just had a hell of a good time, ‘cept now I’m a skosh too schnockered to do the first watch post justice.

So it will have to wait. Hell, for all I know what I have so far sucks anyway. I’ll have to check in the bright morning light, gnome sane?

Yeah. So.

It is exceedingly rare that a song from my beloved formative decade falls out of my consciousness—particularly one that I liked. If you said “Irene Cara,” I could have summoned “Flashdance,” “Fame,” and even “Break Dancin’,” but for whatever reason, I had lost a ready handle to this one. It was linked from another video I was watching, and it was such a joy to get reacquainted with this oh-so-’80s anthem of adversity.

Don’t you love the heavy guitars and the layered synths side-by-side? Don’t you miss that? And man, wasn’t she gorgeous?

Bitch away, but please understand the problem

Annoyances, Consumption, Current Events, Liberty, Politics 11 Responses »

May 232008

Hat tip, Michelle Malkin.

RIP, dedicated automatic teller card

Annoyances, Consumption No Responses »

May 222008

“They” finally turned it off.

Six or seven years they’ve been sending me those Visa debit cards, and six or seven years I’ve been throwing them in the filing cabinet. (Would have just thrown them away, but you never know when the big kibosh is coming.)

Well, it came last week sometime. I found out today trying to use it. Incidentally, the damned ATM lets you go all the way through the transaction—like, you’re standing there waiting for your money—before telling you to go to hell and spitting your card back.

That is really obnoxious. Though I don’t know anything specific about ATM programming, I suspect it’s also preventable.

I carried this very card for 17 years. Its PIN was the first I ever had, and the only one I’ve ever given myself in other places, when I’ve had a choice. Now an interloper debit card has replaced it, and brought an interloper PIN with it.

I was going to hold this up as another manifestation of my selective Luddism, but it’s not, really. I think this is more in the “creature of habit” vein.